The Story of a Suicide

Trust me, I know how it feels. 

I know how it feels to cry in the shower so no one can hear you or wait to close the doors of your room so you can fall apart. I know how it feels when everything hurts so much that all you want is for it to stop. I know exactly how it feels.

I know how it feels to be lonely in a crowd or how exhausting it is to pretend that you are fine when your world is actually falling apart. I know how it feels when your smile no longer reaches your eyes because you are breaking inside. I know exactly how you feel.

Because I have been there.

For years, I have been conscious about my looks. I was never fair enough or slim enough or pretty enough. Being the youngest in the family with two very vivaciously attractive older siblings probably did not help matters either. It was a failed relationship which finally sent me spiraling down the depths of depression. An introvert by nature I had always kept to myself so as I withdrew more into myself it did not set of any alarm bells. Until one day I decided to delete my existence.

I failed… Thankfully.

I came out of the experience with a slightly slow functioning wrist and a whole new outlook on life. 

Waking up on the white hospital bed was mortifying. But life got better from that point. I had the help of professionals and more importantly my family. They suggested that I needed an outlet for my emotions and I choose writing. I started keeping a journal where I would write about one thing I love every day and on days when my thoughts are particularly dark I was to read it to remind me of the happy things in my life.

That was two years ago. I still write in the journal – though not as regularly.

Have I healed?
Perhaps, not completely. But I am getting there.

That's my story of my suicide. Today I am reviewing another such story. A novel and a social campaign called "The Story of Suicide", which not only brings to light the terrifyingly real struggles of today’s generation but also provides useful information on how to deal with them.

By Sriram Ayer
Illustrations by Ghana

Reviewed by Tangerine

“I am leaving. I am tired of fighting. I am tired of struggling to survive. I have finally made a choice today. Yes, I give up.”

Set against the backdrop of a premier college in the country this riveting novel follows the life of Hari, Charu, Sam and Mani. It is the story of their journey as they come to terms with the harsh realities of life. While jealous passions leads one of the principal characters to subject the object of his fantasy to cyber bullying, another seeks to put an end to his misery at being rejected on the basis of his sexuality. Love, betrayal, sex, revenge come alive in this bittersweet tale.

The narrative is fluid without being overtly flowery. The author writes in a manner that is both clear and candid. 

The cast is well defined, descriptive and lovably flawed. By making his protagonists imperfect Ayer lends his character a reality making them more identifiable by the readers. He has not only created a story that encompasses the darker emotions of life, but also life affirming values of kindness and friendship. This is a tale that will be remembered long after the last page has been read.

The beautiful illustrations by Ghana adds a warmth of color to this slightly dark tale.

My favorite part of this book is that it is not merely a story, it is a social endeavor. We live in a society where depression and abuse go unchecked simply because we refuse to talk about it. The little information that we have about relationships, sex etc. comes mostly from our peers who are perhaps as ill-informed as us. Each chapter of this novel has a “How do I?” section which provides real life information on how to deal with personal crisis such as abuse, bullying etc. Thus providing us with the much needed education that we need to face life today and may be even stop a suicide. As youth of today increasingly fall prey to abuse, bullying and other social anxiety, this is a book that needs to be read.

The novel is available for ready reading here. Also available in audio book format.

RECOMMENDED by reviewer

Sriram Ayer was named by the Outlook Business magazine as one of the top 50 social entrepreneurs in India


This post is my entry for a campaign by Indiblogger and NalandaWay Foundation

Image Credit: Official Website

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